WOW.
Thats about all I can say about my past few weeks. I went to Chicago, and had a great time. But the week before that I started talking to and seeing a wonderful woman named Charlotte. I met her at school and we started talking, basically making fun of the other people in class. Anyway, she makes me laugh. She makes me smile.
You know how those E-harmony ads have those annoying fucks who talk about "when we met it was like we knew each other forever."? Well, its like that. We talk and its like we have always known each other. There is not a minute we spend together that doesn't make me smile!
Anyway, I am definately feeling this is a relationship (with Charlotte) that has very long term potential. It sounds odd, because its only been a few weeks, but, I can definitely say I am 100% comfortable with this woman. I can talk to her. I can confide in her. I can look at her and feel a sense of calm and a sense of happiness that I have been missing in my life for years. No longer do I feel as if I am not good enough, no longer do I sit and wonder why somebody would want to be with me. I am so comfortable and happy and relaxed with her.
Last night we sat and talked and I have come to a realization that she's just about everything I ever wished for in a woman. Funny, smart, fun, able to have a conversation, and sexy as hell. She doesn't think she is, but I know she is. I tell her every single day. That's her only flaw I have seen, is a worry about her being "not thin". I tell her daily how sexy she is, how pretty she is, how wonderful she is. I hope it sinks in! hahahaha.
I can only hope that thing progress in a very positive way. I like this feeling. I like feeling this happy and warm and tingly in my stomach when I am around her. Its wonderful.
Sunday, April 01, 2007
Monday, March 26, 2007
Why's Ron Smiling?
This is the reason I've been smiling and happy recently. Wonderful lady who I met who makes me feel at ease and happy all the time. Her name is Charlotte, and I think the world of her!
In other words, so far, so good.
In other words, so far, so good.
Chicago!
Spring break is here! I went to Chicago for a four day get away to see an old friend I hadnt seen in ages. Lisa and I always had a special friendship where we could ask or tell each other anything. I lost touch with her in about 92, when she married and moved away from where I was living. Last year she found me via an obscure Navy ship site I had joined about five years ago. We'd been talking and laughing and bouncing ideas and complaining about relationships for months when I finally had the time and the cash to take a few days off and go up for a visit.
She's as fun to hang out with as ever!
We went to the Second City comedy troop performance, and had an absolute blast. We both had sore stomachs from laughing so much.
I met some of her friends, and we all hit it off.
I am planning on trying to get up there in the summer for a couple of days. It was nice to see her, and to meet her friends.
Friday, January 19, 2007
WOW, long time no see! (Christmas trip edition)
Okay, two blogs, maybe three coming tonite.
This is the one dealing with my trip to Maryland to see my kids.
I went from the day after Christmas, until New Years Day.
I was nervous to see my kids, as my family has been a bit unnerved with my daughter's problems with the law (her mom found some pot in her room and had her arrested). I was anticipating a rough time. My x wife has told me about her being disrespectful and ignorant to her, so I was prepared for the worst.
I made the great decision to go see WE ARE MARSHALL the day before I flew out. And of course, I had a bad flight. TONS of turbulence the entire way out from St Louis to Baltimore. I finally was able to get a little nap, and BAM, we land (and bounce) in Baltimore.
I get in the terminal and turn my phone on, and see two voice mails. Now, why would my ex wife call me, KNOWING I am on the plane, flying to where she is? Makes no sense at all, so after I have to sort out those two long winded messages, I call them and tell them which baggage claim to pick me up at. They are there and my kids are running to see me. I was so happy to see them, it had been about 8 months since I had been there to see them. Both have grown, especially my son. He's frieking huge now.
We get back to the house and the ex asks for a list of groceries I want, so she can get to the store and buy enough stuff for my visit. Of course she forgets the list, tries to go on memory and misses about 1/4 the list. But, I shouldn't expect anything else from her.
My daughter is on house arrest. Cant leave the house, cant stay out after 6 if she's given a day pass. So, right away, we know our nights are going to be spent at home and not out running around, which was nice. I wanted to spend time with them, talking and getting to know them again. I write them every week and try to call at least once a week, but unless you get that face to face time, its hard to know them, really KNOW them.
We spent a lot of time playing scrabble and joking and laughing. In between, I have a lot of conversations with my daughter. I feel somewhat like a failure for not being able to be more near her to help raise her. Her mother is doing an absolutely shitty job. But, my daughter has to take some responsibility for herself as well.
Also, she has this piece of fucking trash boyfriend. He's been arrested, been to rehab, been in through the juvenile services offices, and is basically a waste of flesh. My daughter tells me he wants to meet me. I am not sure why though, because I have already told her how I feel about her seeing him, on numerous occasions.
One day he's coming over. Now, my biggest concern with my daughter isnt the fact that she was caught having sex with the kid by his mom, but the entire drug problem. She tells me he's clean and sober and has been encouraging her to stay clean as well. So, imagine my surprise when this guy shows up with FEAR AND LOATHING IN LAS VEGAS for the two of them to watch. I am no genius, but I do know that the movie is basically a glorification of being fucked out of your mind on drugs. SO, I am pissed off. He plops down on the couch and starts talking to her, whispering almost, as if trying to hide something. I excuse myself and go downstairs to where my son is playing Guitar Hero. A few minutes later, Paris comes down and says a guy from the court is at the house to check the monitor transmitter, because the signal isnt working. When I go upstairs to let him in, she tells me "Tom is hiding in my room because he isnt supposed to be here". I am a bit bothered by that, but let the man in to check the monitor. As soon as he leaves, I tell her to call Tom's mom and have her pick him up, and I go back downstairs. She comes down to give me the "Mom lets him come over" argument, which is fruitless. SO, I say, clearly and slowly "I do not care what your mother does, if he isnt supposed to be here, he is leaving". So, after he is gone, she wants to confront me about it. She asks why I hate him.
I am now in the position to have to tell her all the things I am sure her mom hasnt. I tell her I dont hate him, I dont KNOW him. But since she's been with him, she's had her grades drop, got caught having sex, and busted for drugs. So, he's a bad influence, and she doesnt need to be with him. She tries to tell me that he's off drugs and that he's a good kid. SO, I ask why he isnt allowed at the house. She tells me its because he's on house arrest. So, I ask "if he's so good, why is he on house arrest, and why, if he is so good, is he breaking the law by being over here?"
Its obvious to me that her mother basically lets her do what she wants, because its easier that standing up for what's right and TEACHING her to be respectful. She and I have a frank talk about drugs and she says that her mom tells her "Dont do it in the house" and "I cant tell you not to do it because I did it". WHAT THE FUCK?
How about "I did it, and it was wrong, and its against the law and you will not do it"????
Is that really so hard to say? So hard to comprehend?
After a few hours of talking, we are on civil terms. She understands what I want for her, which is to stay out of trouble, stay off drugs, get better grades and be respectful to her mother (even though her mother is pretty useless, I have to stick up for her). When her mom gets home we have a family meeting and discuss things, and it turns into them two yelling at each other. I cant understand why my ex wife, who's nearly 40 feels the need to argue with a teenager, as if they were on the same level. No level headed thinking, no level headed discussion, nothing but BLAH BLAH BLAH.
But we got to the bottom of things a bit and everybody seemed a bit relieved after the talks.
My son, on the other hand is still the sweetest, most trusting, unjaded little person in the world. He is so nice and loving and trusting. Its a shame because his mother will ruin him when he gets to be a teen. It breaks my heart knowing how kind hearted he is, and that his mother takes advantage of that. He got some gift cards for christmas and she took two of them "so he wont lose them". But left him with the rest of them.
He's kind and happy and laughs all the time. He is coming along well in school and his ADHD is controlled well with his meds.
When he was a kid, he used to lay on my back when I would be on the couch watching TV. He'd do this until he fell asleep and I'd carry him to bed. I was laying on the couch at about 1130 at night and he comes up and asks if he can lay on me. I was thrilled. He laid on me and fell asleep, just like he used to do every day five years ago. I didnt want to move, I just wanted to lay there and feel him on my back sleeping. I miss him so much.
My week wound down, and we had to part again. The ex wife had apparently told my son he could wait with my while I checked in for my flight. BUT, she neglected to say anything to me, so when we were pulling up and she had to go either in the DEPARTING FLIGHTS or HOURLY PARKING lane, I was telling her to pull over to the DEPARTING FLIGHTS lane. Of course she starts yelling about how "YOUR SON WANTS TO GO INSIDE WITH YOU" Now, there is a humongous line OUTSIDE and you can make out a big long line INSIDE. SO, obviously its not a good idea. But she hadnt told me, hadnt said a word, hadnt asked what I thought or anything like that. But she will use it as an excuse to yell at me in front of them about how I dont care about my kids feelings and how insensitive I am.
We get out of the truck to unload my suitcase and my son is crying. I ask him what's wrong and he says that his mom promised him that he could go inside. I explain how long the line is, and that I'd be standing around for over an hour and how he'd be bored. He told me "Okay, I understand" and while I know it broke his heart to not be able to spend that last time with me, I knew he'd be bored and jumpy while waiting in line and he'd just get himself worked up more. It's all part of his ADHD.
I promised him I'd call before the plane took off, and he said that would be great. I hugged him and my daughter and said goodbye. Then spent an hour and fifteen minutes in line waiting to check in. I called when I got checked in and he was amazed how long it took and he was glad he didnt wait with me.
The thing I came away from this trip feeling is that my daughter needs more parenting and that my son is a wonderful person, despite all the upheaval in his life with my ex and I divorcing and him moving away from me.
It breaks my heart that they have to live with a mother who isnt mentally sound, who is selfish and lying and has no problem with it. It pisses me off that she isnt honest with them. It pisses me off that she drinks still, after telling me, her kids, her parents and everybody else how she'd quit. It pisses me off that she picks the biggest losers for boyfriends. It pisses me off how she puts her own wanting to go out with her friends above her kids. It pisses me off how she goes out drinking and when my daughter mentions it, she lies about it. I really have no idea how I stayed married to her for so long. I hate everything about how she acts, I hate everything about how she treats people, with no respect for them at all. I wish I had the money to bring my kids here and live with them and raise them. Its obvious they need somebody with some sort of backbone to be strong and help them grow. Its obvious they need somebody who puts the kids ahead of themselves.
This is the one dealing with my trip to Maryland to see my kids.
I went from the day after Christmas, until New Years Day.
I was nervous to see my kids, as my family has been a bit unnerved with my daughter's problems with the law (her mom found some pot in her room and had her arrested). I was anticipating a rough time. My x wife has told me about her being disrespectful and ignorant to her, so I was prepared for the worst.
I made the great decision to go see WE ARE MARSHALL the day before I flew out. And of course, I had a bad flight. TONS of turbulence the entire way out from St Louis to Baltimore. I finally was able to get a little nap, and BAM, we land (and bounce) in Baltimore.
I get in the terminal and turn my phone on, and see two voice mails. Now, why would my ex wife call me, KNOWING I am on the plane, flying to where she is? Makes no sense at all, so after I have to sort out those two long winded messages, I call them and tell them which baggage claim to pick me up at. They are there and my kids are running to see me. I was so happy to see them, it had been about 8 months since I had been there to see them. Both have grown, especially my son. He's frieking huge now.
We get back to the house and the ex asks for a list of groceries I want, so she can get to the store and buy enough stuff for my visit. Of course she forgets the list, tries to go on memory and misses about 1/4 the list. But, I shouldn't expect anything else from her.
My daughter is on house arrest. Cant leave the house, cant stay out after 6 if she's given a day pass. So, right away, we know our nights are going to be spent at home and not out running around, which was nice. I wanted to spend time with them, talking and getting to know them again. I write them every week and try to call at least once a week, but unless you get that face to face time, its hard to know them, really KNOW them.
We spent a lot of time playing scrabble and joking and laughing. In between, I have a lot of conversations with my daughter. I feel somewhat like a failure for not being able to be more near her to help raise her. Her mother is doing an absolutely shitty job. But, my daughter has to take some responsibility for herself as well.
Also, she has this piece of fucking trash boyfriend. He's been arrested, been to rehab, been in through the juvenile services offices, and is basically a waste of flesh. My daughter tells me he wants to meet me. I am not sure why though, because I have already told her how I feel about her seeing him, on numerous occasions.
One day he's coming over. Now, my biggest concern with my daughter isnt the fact that she was caught having sex with the kid by his mom, but the entire drug problem. She tells me he's clean and sober and has been encouraging her to stay clean as well. So, imagine my surprise when this guy shows up with FEAR AND LOATHING IN LAS VEGAS for the two of them to watch. I am no genius, but I do know that the movie is basically a glorification of being fucked out of your mind on drugs. SO, I am pissed off. He plops down on the couch and starts talking to her, whispering almost, as if trying to hide something. I excuse myself and go downstairs to where my son is playing Guitar Hero. A few minutes later, Paris comes down and says a guy from the court is at the house to check the monitor transmitter, because the signal isnt working. When I go upstairs to let him in, she tells me "Tom is hiding in my room because he isnt supposed to be here". I am a bit bothered by that, but let the man in to check the monitor. As soon as he leaves, I tell her to call Tom's mom and have her pick him up, and I go back downstairs. She comes down to give me the "Mom lets him come over" argument, which is fruitless. SO, I say, clearly and slowly "I do not care what your mother does, if he isnt supposed to be here, he is leaving". So, after he is gone, she wants to confront me about it. She asks why I hate him.
I am now in the position to have to tell her all the things I am sure her mom hasnt. I tell her I dont hate him, I dont KNOW him. But since she's been with him, she's had her grades drop, got caught having sex, and busted for drugs. So, he's a bad influence, and she doesnt need to be with him. She tries to tell me that he's off drugs and that he's a good kid. SO, I ask why he isnt allowed at the house. She tells me its because he's on house arrest. So, I ask "if he's so good, why is he on house arrest, and why, if he is so good, is he breaking the law by being over here?"
Its obvious to me that her mother basically lets her do what she wants, because its easier that standing up for what's right and TEACHING her to be respectful. She and I have a frank talk about drugs and she says that her mom tells her "Dont do it in the house" and "I cant tell you not to do it because I did it". WHAT THE FUCK?
How about "I did it, and it was wrong, and its against the law and you will not do it"????
Is that really so hard to say? So hard to comprehend?
After a few hours of talking, we are on civil terms. She understands what I want for her, which is to stay out of trouble, stay off drugs, get better grades and be respectful to her mother (even though her mother is pretty useless, I have to stick up for her). When her mom gets home we have a family meeting and discuss things, and it turns into them two yelling at each other. I cant understand why my ex wife, who's nearly 40 feels the need to argue with a teenager, as if they were on the same level. No level headed thinking, no level headed discussion, nothing but BLAH BLAH BLAH.
But we got to the bottom of things a bit and everybody seemed a bit relieved after the talks.
My son, on the other hand is still the sweetest, most trusting, unjaded little person in the world. He is so nice and loving and trusting. Its a shame because his mother will ruin him when he gets to be a teen. It breaks my heart knowing how kind hearted he is, and that his mother takes advantage of that. He got some gift cards for christmas and she took two of them "so he wont lose them". But left him with the rest of them.
He's kind and happy and laughs all the time. He is coming along well in school and his ADHD is controlled well with his meds.
When he was a kid, he used to lay on my back when I would be on the couch watching TV. He'd do this until he fell asleep and I'd carry him to bed. I was laying on the couch at about 1130 at night and he comes up and asks if he can lay on me. I was thrilled. He laid on me and fell asleep, just like he used to do every day five years ago. I didnt want to move, I just wanted to lay there and feel him on my back sleeping. I miss him so much.
My week wound down, and we had to part again. The ex wife had apparently told my son he could wait with my while I checked in for my flight. BUT, she neglected to say anything to me, so when we were pulling up and she had to go either in the DEPARTING FLIGHTS or HOURLY PARKING lane, I was telling her to pull over to the DEPARTING FLIGHTS lane. Of course she starts yelling about how "YOUR SON WANTS TO GO INSIDE WITH YOU" Now, there is a humongous line OUTSIDE and you can make out a big long line INSIDE. SO, obviously its not a good idea. But she hadnt told me, hadnt said a word, hadnt asked what I thought or anything like that. But she will use it as an excuse to yell at me in front of them about how I dont care about my kids feelings and how insensitive I am.
We get out of the truck to unload my suitcase and my son is crying. I ask him what's wrong and he says that his mom promised him that he could go inside. I explain how long the line is, and that I'd be standing around for over an hour and how he'd be bored. He told me "Okay, I understand" and while I know it broke his heart to not be able to spend that last time with me, I knew he'd be bored and jumpy while waiting in line and he'd just get himself worked up more. It's all part of his ADHD.
I promised him I'd call before the plane took off, and he said that would be great. I hugged him and my daughter and said goodbye. Then spent an hour and fifteen minutes in line waiting to check in. I called when I got checked in and he was amazed how long it took and he was glad he didnt wait with me.
The thing I came away from this trip feeling is that my daughter needs more parenting and that my son is a wonderful person, despite all the upheaval in his life with my ex and I divorcing and him moving away from me.
It breaks my heart that they have to live with a mother who isnt mentally sound, who is selfish and lying and has no problem with it. It pisses me off that she isnt honest with them. It pisses me off that she drinks still, after telling me, her kids, her parents and everybody else how she'd quit. It pisses me off that she picks the biggest losers for boyfriends. It pisses me off how she puts her own wanting to go out with her friends above her kids. It pisses me off how she goes out drinking and when my daughter mentions it, she lies about it. I really have no idea how I stayed married to her for so long. I hate everything about how she acts, I hate everything about how she treats people, with no respect for them at all. I wish I had the money to bring my kids here and live with them and raise them. Its obvious they need somebody with some sort of backbone to be strong and help them grow. Its obvious they need somebody who puts the kids ahead of themselves.
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